Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline: Where the Crew Lives, Eats, Wars, and Parties… One Crazy Year Working on Cruise Ships (Travelers' Tales)

Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline: Where the Crew Lives, Eats, Wars, and Parties… One Crazy Year Working on Cruise Ships (Travelers' Tales)

Brian David Bruns

Language: English

Pages: 384

ISBN: 193236160X

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


In Cruise Confidential, Brian David Bruns spills the dirt — or in this case, the dirty water — on those romantic, fun-filled vacations at sea. His hilarious chronicle of the year he spent working for Carnival Cruise Lines takes readers down into the areas where the crew works and lives, leaving readers gasping with laughter as they’re assaulted nonstop with events that range from the absurd to the utterly bizarre. Stewards fighting over food. Cutlery allowances and other nonsensical rules. What the crew calls those onboard (no, it’s not “passengers”). And of course, the sex. An abundance of ready, willing, and able bodies eager for action on a vessel replete with nooks and crannies leads to love in some mighty strange, and seemingly impossible, places. Breezy, entertaining, and informative, Cruise Confidential is essential reading for those planning a cruise or for anyone who just needs a good laugh.

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enough to accommodate dozens of people, and offered a buffet set-up. The line of hungry crew wound around the coffee station, which also featured soft-serve ice cream. The coffee, which reminded me of turpentine with black oil paint in it, was frequently augmented by the crew with a dash of ice cream. Men and women of all ethnicities rifled through a huge bin of plastic coffee mugs in search of the few that were properly cleaned. There was no limit to the amount of food you could order. Half of

said, correcting me again. The ship lurched as a wave hit us from the side. The pitch was always more acute near the bow and higher up, right where the crew bar was. Hila, Liezle, and I all spilled our beverages as we madly struggled to right ourselves on our crazy stool. I cringed when I got a lapful of Liezle’s drink. I couldn’t believe I was being called odd by a woman who drank green tea and Jack. “I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.” 8 A C r e e p y C o n c h F r i t t

weeks. Bianca and I scheduled things so that we would both have most of June off for a vacation in Transylvania. “And the bad news?” “You and Liezle will not overnight together in Mexico. They decided to keep you here in Miami until you join up in New Orleans. So you get an extra two days off, but you can’t take advantage of that sexy Mexican air.” Liezle splashed water at him. I pretended to sigh heavily. “Does this mean I get back all the bribe money I spent?” I reflected on how much I would

The ship environment was so incredibly cold that the need for contact was very real, sexual or otherwise. Since sex was so much easier to come by than true affection, it was the preferred quick fix. But I didn’t want a band-aid, I wanted a cure. I felt farther away from Bianca than ever before. She had 132 ° B R I A N D AV I D B R U N S the appearance of being a wild and free party animal, but in fact she was deeply traditional. She accepted little romance in the horrid, artificial

Maitre d’ Ferrand entered, with Catalina hovering behind and gloating. She was almost giddy with joy. “Ferrand,” Gunnar asked, “if Brian wanted to sample a menu item, would you grant him permission?” “Of course,” he answered with obvious obeisance. “Anytime.” “I’ve seen enough,” Gunnar said with arrogant dismissal. “Gunnar…” But he spun on his heel and departed the room. Ferrand gave me a sympathetic look and shrugged. “Bad timing, eh? If I were you, I would be extra careful. I think your life

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